pi & anne

my habit of sharing
the midnight sun

This is about excitement… As a kid I couldn’t wait to gift presents. When I had a great idea, I ran to the one receiving the gift, and bubbled over. I always had the urge to spoil the surprise.

When I’m happy, I’m a sharer.

I just bolt out. And this happens too when I am in love with a poem. I want to share it immediately with the whole world! And that is a huge part of the happiness in it. My childlike joy of laughing out loud and dancing around it and saying, “Look, look, isn’t this so cool?!”

My happiness shrinks as soon as I keep it in.

My joy of sharing (when I feel like it) is the most beautiful marble in the pouch, the one nobody wants to lose. Sharing later, in a controlled and planned manner, is… one of the many lookalike marbles. Don’t want to lose them either, but eh. It’s not SO important.

I tend to not be happy. You may call it a habit, a predisposition, acquired, a personality trait, trauma related, might be all of it. Any time I am happy, I feel bad for it. In my head I’m thinking. I do a ton of thinking. I think I should not be selfish. I think I should regulate that too, because emotions out of control can end bad.

What this rush though truthfully is, is beautiful. That childlike, uncontrollable waterfall. Including rainbow. It is so beautiful. And my friends know I can snuggle into it like a cat in the perfect sunspot on the windowsill.

Let gooooooo, Kati. Be happy. You neither need plans, numbers, restraint nor so-called publication success to be happy.

This blog is the best example. I enjoy writing here tremendously.

Thank you for reading, always. But I’m already happy while I’m typing these words. Incredible, right?! I’m happy!