Erm. I posted yesterday a tanka on social media… to recognise later that I was not done with it. Here is the earlier version:
1)
Catherine Mermets1
wrapped in wet tissues
sweet with tea
a petal floating down
it's not autumn yet
(It might be a bit overbearing… maybe this would have been enough:
fresh roses
wrapped in wet tissues
sweet with tea
a petal floating down
it's not autumn yet)
I still like it, but it was a bit… directionless? But very dreamy, nostalgic. I asked myself which parts were essential and talked most to me. I came up with this haiku:
tea roses
wrapped in wet tissues
it's not autumn yet
My initial inspiration for writing was a young woman in the underground train who had roses in her hand, wrapped in a wet tissue, looking up from her phone with a smile. I immediately saw her on her way to a person she wanted to give the roses (which were really lovely) and exchanging messages on the way (because they couldn’t wait to see each other).
For her the city shrank down to that one person… it’s not autumn yet. Let us live and grow. No goodbyes, but new hellos. So.
2)
tsumugi rose2
tucked into a wet tissue
it's not autumn yet
in the overflowing city
all are nameless, except one
Still very open. But it hints at love. I like that. Also, in my prose is a hidden tanka that tells the story more directly:
3)
young woman
in the underground
fresh roses in her hand
she looks up from her phone
with a smile
So. Here I am with three variations (and a haiku) inspired by one and the same moment in the underground.
Which one do you like best? Which one is more intriguing? Which one would you use for what purpose (diary, love letter, …)?
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