NAPOLEONES
Anna Lete & Kati Mohr
contemporary haibun online 20.2: August 2024
mother
all I’ve been doing
is nothing
I feel like I’m wasting away on some days. Am I an idiot for having got a degree in the production of communication? I feel like I’m too comfortable; I could do this with my eyes closed, too immersed in this lifestyle of creativity; I could use another topic at the dinner table.
I feel like I should have challenged myself when I had the chance.
stands in the path
a flame tree¹
resisting
I feel like it was a missed opportunity when I walked away from medical school. People think it wasn’t for me—but it was. I feel like I grieved for a bunch of cells and tissue the wrong way, the hard way, the unacceptable way.
I feel like I would do it all over again the exact same way if given the chance.
kalachuchi²
one fits into
the one before
I feel like my son Leon is the best thing to ever happen to me. People think I say it because I’m convincing myself true—but it is. And yet I feel like taking a break from my boys most of the time, like running back to them when they’re not with me, when I am forced to spend time alone drinking my coffee, when I find myself awake in the middle of the night and they’re both asleep.
I feel like I am complete.
sampaguita lei³
its scent from between my eyes
temple stairs
cracking
for the Dama de noche⁴
I feel like I want to do more. I feel like this is enough, this is my peak, this is the highlight of my existence. I feel like I could still reach out to my dreams and just hold them even for a few seconds before surrendering it all back to the Giver.
I feel all these things — I hear my friend Kati telling me, “It’s everything”, all at once.
niyog-niyogan⁵ at night all I’ve been doing is continuing
…………………………………………………
¹Napoleones: a Filipino dessert/snack dish prepared with flaky pastry layers filled with custard and topped with sugar glaze.
²Kalachuchi: flower-bearing trees belonging to the genus Plumeria, grown as ornamentals in the tropical and subtropical areas. In the Philippines, they are also associated with ghosts and death since they are planted in cemeteries and graveyards.
³Jasminum sambac commonly known as Sampaguita was declared as the national flower of the Philippines by Governor-General Frank Murphy in 1934. Its white flower is believed to symbolize purity, fidelity, and hope.
⁴Dama de noche or known as night blooming jasmine is a shrub that bears white flowers giving off a strong sweet perfume at night.
⁵Niyog-niyogan (Quisqualis indica) is a creeping vine whose flowers change colours in 2 to 3 days time when blooming.
pi & anne 